Friday, 17 February 2012

Back in the saddle?

So, I haven't posted for ages.  I'm not sure what happened.  I think I just couldn't look at being "addicted" to being ill while I was struggling through illnesses.  The surgery took a long time to heal from, as expected, but my sinuses are doing great, says my sinus guy!  He does want me to start shooting some steroids up my nose again, as there is some swelling.  They make me more tired and fatigued, but I guess I have to work them in some how.

I had to go on a course of prednizone for my asthma over the last two weeks.  I was so proud of myself.  I didn't go into a pity spiral.  I didn't turn all princessy and demand help.  I pushed on.  I got some help, but I just pushed on.  Even through my daughter's postponed-from-my-surgery birthday party.  Yeah.  Pulling off an "at home" birthday party while you're sick, probably not the best plan.  How could I postpone it again!  It was already a month after her birthday!!  Last Friday night I ended up doing a bunch of driving around to get filler for her pinata.  The place that you can buy a bag of filler had closed!!  After I found myself driving to the wrong location by accident for the second time, I decided I was too exhausted to continue.  So I went home and basically passed out.  Actually, that is a lie.  I was in the miserable place where you are too exhausted to even watch TV, but your brain won't stop thinking about what needs to be done - ala "How Does She Do It?" a Sarah Jessica Parker movie I watched recently.  I decided to use the opportunity to practise "relaxing and letting it go".  Every time I would think of another party thing (or anything else) I would just say "relax, and let go" and take a few deep breaths.  I got LOTS of practise.

After the party, which required two Tylenol "ones" and an iced tea to get through.  I could barely move.  I didn't feel too bad about it, as my ex was sitting on my sofa too tired to go home yet.  So I barely moved that night.  Then I barely moved the next day.  You MS-ers out there will relate.  I got too tired watching a movie "War Horse" (3 1/2 hours) at my neighbours and had to go home after 2 1/2.  Too tired to sit on a sofa and stare.  I put kiddies to bed with the least amount of energy required on Sunday night, and retired early, expecting to feel better the next day.  Wrong.  I worked about 4 hours, and then was absolutely done.  MS symptoms popping up like mad.  I was so grateful that I wasn't driving a standard, as my left foot was SO pins and needles, that it would have been painful.  So I rest, and rest and rest.  Here it is Friday, and I can hardly wait for ex to pick up kiddies for the night.  Even though I am at home right now, and only need to work about 2-3 hours today, I keep thinking about how awesome it is going to be tomorrow.  I am going to sleeeeep.  I am going to go to bed, and no one, no alarm, no thing (well ok, dog, but he'll go right back to sleep) will wake me.  I am going to wake up, look at the clock and roll over in my bed, pull the covers up around my chin and go back to sleeeeeeeep.  I can hardly wait.  Then I am going to magically not be tired at all any more and will be able to magically catch up on all that I have NOT done this week in order to be able to rest.

Yeah, well, that's the plan anyway.