C Diff is difficile!!

Who could have seen it coming? Loads of people? Ok, true. When my doctor asked me if I was taking probiotics when I was mid way through my five weeks of antibiotics, I thought that he meant, "would I be taking probiotics after I was done this course."  He didn't. I didn't know that you're supposed to take them DURING the course! Well, I'll never forget now!! 

Who knew that I could wish that I could go back in time and start antibiotics all over!! I wish I could go back, send in a lovely sample of my mucous, then get the right antibiotics, AND take probiotics. Yes please! Can I go back almost two months!!! My Wahl's protocol is barely existent. ARG!!!

Maybe I'll at least lose some weight with all this diarrhea, right? Not so far. Ugh.  Fingers crossed that it's just water retention?? Yes?? No??

The best/worst part is that the few people that I have told react with the following words: CRAP, SHITTY, OH POOP!! And they don't mean to be punny!! Oh well. It is indeed poopy. 

The perfect virus. Omg. It takes away your appetite and your thirst, all while dehydrating you!!! Evil genius.  

I don't know if I'll be so silly and sarcastic if this continues. I have a fairly mild case, (although it doesn't feel mild) so far. It's been over a week, but (butt) I'm still determined to kick it's butt. 

Goodnight folks, tip your waitress.

 

Antibiotics x three, who's living the good life!?!

Antibiotic number three is working. Yaaayy (there is NOT much celebrating). I still have the metal taste in my mouth! I was fairly alarmed to see that I already had it a month ago! It usually only lasts a few days! Ok. Don't freak out.  Just because it is still there, doesn't mean it will always be there! I counted the pills I have left to take still, and it was really depressing. I put off going on the third dose for a couple of days so that I could go get this pain shot that I would be reeaaalllyy sorry to miss. I was too worried about how my stomach would be, and decided that it was worth putting it off.  The only reason I regret it is that I still have so long to go. 

I was about to say that there was a silver lining, and there is. I just could really imagine the silver since my cheek tastes like I have a penny stored in there. Sigh.  

The silver lining is that I'm VERY motivated to go hard core on the Wahl's protocol. I managed four cups of produce today, thanks mostly to to a very cold smoothy. I made it very cold so that it would have less of a taste. It made me chuckle a little to realize that four cups seems so easy.  

I read a few of my older posts to see when I started this infection, and when I looked back I saw that my post about being ghosted and restarting got a lot of views. That makes me laugh. I'm pouring my heart out about something that most people wouldn't want to read. I'm sure most, if not all of those "views" were people who didn't read much!! Dating with multiple health problems. Yep. Page turner.

It was inspiring to read that and to see how I'm still doing the things I started. Well, I mean I have had to pause a lot of it for now, but I still feel like I'm dedicated to my new life!  I haven't been with any relationship since the ghosting. I'm tempted to look back and see exactly how long it has been, but I won't. I don't want to get discouraged. I don't think about dating very much, or maybe I should say that I don't think about it as much as I used to. Maybe I'm just getting old. It's still one of my goals though. To fall in love with somebody. I'm using the word with meaning that they love me too. At the same time. 

I've started doing a physio exercise to build up my endurance, I think he called it. It is really difficult to see how little I can do, but I'm just trying to focus on the fact that I'm doing it at all! You can't build up strength if you never start. Honestly though, I think most of those who know me would be pretty alarmed at how little I can do. But that's OK. I'm only telling you, invisible reader.

Resist antibiotic resistance!!

 So, 'member last time, when I was complaining about how bad the antibiotics were making me feel? That the antibiotics were causing nausea, which required Gravol, which made my vision and dizziness worse? That the sinus infection was causing my MS symptom of pins and needles and burning feeling on my skin worse, which caused me to take marijuana, which flares up my asthma, which causes me to take asthma meds which help my sinus symptoms, but make my MS worse? And how I didn't think they were working, but I would give it one more day!? Yeah, good job listening to yourself. (sarcasm)

I've been on the different antibiotics for a combination of 12 days over two weeks, and I'm now waiting for my doctor to answer my email in which I told him that my infection is getting worse. I struggle through the side effects from the drugs that are vital. I struggle through the side effects of the drugs that I take to deal with the side effects from the drugs that are vital. I know in my heart that the drugs aren't working, but I put off starting new ones because I'm hoping the infection will just magically go away because I am scared of what the next side effects will be. Here's the story so far:

I email my doctor (as per previously arranged by him) and tell him I am pretty sure I have a sinus infection. I tell him that I'm going to still try to fight it with saline rinses and steroid liquids, but that I don't want to have to bother him on the weekend, so I'd better get a script now. I tell him I saved 2days of Doxy from last time so that I would be able to start right away. 

He responds with telling me that he's going to prescribe me more Doxy and he'll leave it up to me to decided if I need them. I think to myself that it would be a better idea to start something else as I am concerned with developing resistance, but I don't mention it.

I get a message from the pharmacy to let me know that I have prescriptions ready, and do I want them delivered. I ask them to hold onto them.

A day or two later I decide that I'm being stupid not to start the pills as I am definitely getting an infection, and if it gets much worse, my asthma or my MS or both will flare up. I start the Doxy that I have and email my doc to tell him that I'd rather have something else because it is giving me pretty bad heartburn. 

Then I get really sick. I start shaking pretty hard, which is really weird, but then I get nauseous and start doing what we call in my house, "everybody out!" That means that it seems like everything in your digestive system urgently needs to escape.  This sometimes includes both exits, but this time I get away with just the back exit after some taking some gravol. I feel lousy all day. I have phone call with doctor and he says he'll prescribe me something else. (He does check with me what I'm allergic to) *update: it was something I ate, as I got sick when I had it a week later. I didn't need to change this time!!*

I get a phone call from the pharmacist.

"You've been prescribed Moxi. You are allergic to Cipro. What is the reaction?"

Me: "Hives all over."

Pharmacist: "Ok, you definitely not that then."

So I email doc and have almost word for word the same conversation. 

Here's my big question: Do they think I don't know the difference between allergic and side effect?! Sheesh. I've been dealing with this since I was a preschooler!

After a few more emails and phone calls, I get Ammox-Clavu. Which I KNOW I've had too often, but considering how upset my stomach is, I play along and hope for the best. IDIOT!! Ok. I can't talk so badly about myself. I know my doctor is really good at his job, except this part. Now I have to start again. And now it has been weeks since I've been eating basically any vegetables!! This is REALLY difficult.

This is why I do it

This is why I'm trying so hard to change my life. This WEEK! THIS feeling!!! Being sick with co-morbidities is MISERABLE and if there is anything that I can do to stop feeling like this, I WILL do it. 

I have a sinus infection, and I will keep getting sinus infections until I am able to have surgery again, but for now I have to be on antibiotics. It took more than a week to find one that I could tolerate, and now I am only tolerating it by taking Gravol everyday to deal with the nausea. I'm not even sure they are working. I've giving them one more day for now. 

Anytime my immune system get activated, I have an MS symptom flare up. It feels like my skin is either burning on fire, or just so sensitive that I don't want anything touching it. I also have the most fun symptom of everything tasting wrong- tasting metallic.  My sense of smell is coming back since I'm working so hard on my sinuses, which is horrible because I can only smell some things, and their scent is so strong that it gives me a headache and nausea!

I also have a really bad headache from my neck being out caused by my scoliosis. So just in case I didn't have a headache and nausea before, I definitely do now!! 

I have other things happening, but that is the short version of my misery. I will just note right here how much fun it is to try and eat adding in the financial restraints I have because I can't earn any money for a couple of years. Food is SO expensive lately! Thanks covid. 

There are many positive things that I think about and want to get better for. I think about them and write them down and do all the positive mindset things that I can think of. Right now I am just reinforcing how motivating it is to remember how badly I don't want to feel this sick. Few people understand, but I can always talk to myself! This is so hard. I spend all day just trying to get through the hours. I'm in pain and so fatigued and feel awful. 

We need a better word for awful. Full of awe. That is not how I feel. Horrible. Full of Horror. Ok, I think it's time to finally let the gravol knock me out. I'm just getting silly.

I went 6 months and then cheated on Wahl's

My deepest apologies if this post seems a trifle formal today. I have been partaking in far more Diana Gabaldon than perhaps is prudent as of late.

 I have decided that I must go back a step or two with Wahl's. I've made a few mistakes. I decided to go off wheat, but somehow quickly turned that into gluten instead. It was too big of a step. I managed for over a week, but then I decided to go off milk too! I have been miserable. 

I'm really surprised at myself. I have been gradually decreasing some things and increasing some others since September! For example: going off just cheese instead of all dairy at once, or making sure a have a cup of green leafy vegetables a day.  Both of these strategies have been to ensure the highest chances of success, but then I make a giant leap!  

I think what happened is that once I reached my goals of eating 6 cups of fruit and vegetables, and going off sugar, coffee and dairy (except I was still having milk), I started looking forward to new goals.  I wasn't exactly sure where to go next, so I plunge in head first into the Wahl's Protocol book, and quickly start thinking that my goals were out of line with what I should have been concentrating on. I forgot why I made the goals that I did in the first place, and immediately start charging ahead making drastic changes!

Yes, I could probably have done the last 6 months differently, but I have been very successful at reaching my goals! I wanted to give my body the chance to to be able to digest that much produce. I wanted to give up some foods slowly and replace them with others to make it less difficult to quit. Maybe the most important of all is that I wanted to give my system a slow enough speed of detoxifying as to prevent my getting really sick!! I feel as if I should make a sign out of this and post it on the wall, so that I don't forget and get too impatient again.

Once I started reading the book again (and not just skimming a lot of it this time) my frustration at the lack of changes to my life grew as I read peoples' accounts of their experiences. They were saying how they noticed a difference in either a few days, or a couple of weeks! I have been working on this since September! I only count from Christmas though as I didn't start my full effort until then. It has been six months though!

When I saw all of the things that I wasn't doing yet, it really motivated me to make big changes in order to start seeing some real results. This rash thinking forgot to take all of my previous reasoning into mind. I went off gluten. That wasn't the goal. The goal was to go off wheat. That is a BIG change for me. I was having wheat once or twice a day most days. I should have started adding in more servings of  things like quinoa, and rice, and tried to incorporate one or two gluten free possibilities. Then I should have gone off gluten, and added in other options at the same time. THEN I should have gone off milk (Possibly milk then gluten).

I know some people say that you shouldn't say should, but I don't always agree with that. I am looking at mistakes I've made. I acknowledge that I could have done this differently. Now I will have to make corrections. 

You see I cheated. I haven't cheated once before now (except the two cheat days I allowed myself, one every three months). I give up butter, no more butter. I give up chocolate, no more chocolate.  I'm not beating myself up too badly. I had an iced coffee with cow's milk and a scone. The scone wasn't even that good. 

I had been hungry every day for about a week. I was trying to gradually add in some "gluten free" stuff, which left me pretty limited choices in what to eat. Oh!! One HUGE factor was that I went off oats as well!! My rosacea was getting really red on days when I hadn't had any caffeine or anything else that I thought might cause it, and I had been having a lot more oatmeal. That left me with a big hole in my diet. I thought I could go gluten free because I had oatmeal for breakfast. I forgot about that. 

Anyhoo, I have allowed myself milk again once a day, and I am having some wheat, etc. while I figure out how to go more gradually off these things, and how to cook differently to compensate. I'm not totally sure I can do it, to be honest. I just don't have the energy to prepare meals often enough, and it's getting pretty expensive to eat like this. 

We shall see. I'm definitely not giving up yet. I sure am getting impatient though. I want to go out into the world a lot more often, and let's face it, this whole too sick to date thing has gotten very, very, old. 

I'm embarrassingly excited to eat gluten free bread!!

 I was just reading a post from last year. In it I talked about how I was told that if you start journaling (when you begin meditating) that you will be surprised at the changes in three months, and really surprised after 6. (She types after she has managed to journal consistently for a couple of weeks.) hmmm

I've started meeting with a health coach once a week for thirty minutes. We set goals and basically talk about how the goals from last week went, and if anything can be done to clear anything that might hamper completing this week's goals. This week it has been to either journal or read Wahl's Protocol for thirty minutes a day. I think I will keep the same goal until I finish meeting with her, along with other goals, of course. 

Today I had what I'm pretty sure will be my last sip of cow's milk. I'm am trying to be officially off all dairy as of now!  I also had my first piece of gluten free bread. It was pretty good.  My stomach felt a bit off after I ate it, but I'm going to try it again. It turns out this one has sugar in it, so I'll have to check the ingredients better for the next loaf, but it has been progress. I was so miserable going gluten free, but I realized that I was basically going grain free! I don't need to go that extreme yet (or hopefully ever). I ordered some rice crackers, and the bread, and some dairy replacement things. I'm so glad that I can have some bread sometimes. The thought of never having a hamburger again was really depressing!

Today I had the bread. Tomorrow I think I might finally try either the coconut milk or the coconut yogurt. I'm thinking that the yogurt might not work out, but maybe it'll be great in smoothies? I miss having yogurt, but I haven't been able to eat it for years. Not since they added probiotics. Hmmm...that's interesting. So much of this protocol is about making your gut happy. Dr. Wahl talks about how we are basically sharing this body with all our little bacteria, etc. Gross. Fair point though. I'm working on making my own probiotics inside my tummy!

Holy moley. Considering the fact that I have already been off gluten for over a week (except I had Corn Flakes which has gluten, but that was an accident so it doesn't count) and the fact that now I'm off milk....that means I've made it to all my goals??? Holy freaking moley. 

I'm definitely not going to celebrate yet because I'm not quite there. The gluten free is still too fresh, and the no milk isn't even at one day yet. Ok maybe a little celebration? Yay me!!! 

I'm not consistently at 6 cups of produce. I actually hit 9 cups one day! I go over 6 cups more days then under, but I've had a couple 5's. So this week is about making sure I maintain the 6, carefully adding some new options, and making sure that I'm getting more green leafy vegetables. I'm actually smiling and shaking my head in disbelief at myself. I'm so proud!! 

Several people's health histories?

I was at my GP's for a pre surgery appointment. I've been trying to make it to this appointment for months, but I had to keep rescheduling due to my MS being too bad. I saved up about two weeks worth of energy to go the doctor, but at least she did my annual "exam" at the same time. Wheee!!! Fun!!? 

My doctor is writing all my past surgeries, diseases, medications, etc. She makes a joke about how this is several people's history. I commented that at least I should be in my 70s, or maybe skipped some of the basics such as tonsils or appendix removed. Sigh. I hate that it's true, but I'm grateful she acknowledged it. 

I've been down for about a week from nerve pain in my whole leg. It isn't MS pain though because it's positional.  I think maybe a have a "pinched nerve" in my hip or something? The bad news is that I'm pretty sure that my Mom suffers from the same thing fairly often, and it is pretty debilitating. The good news is that I'm finally going to go back to my physiotherapist. There's a few things that I want to work on, and I haven't been wanting to spend the money. Which is ridiculous. I think it could be maybe be another way to help me regain my strength. Just needing to walk to my car and back is tough for me, so add going into a building? We'll see.

Oh, and I have a sore throat. I think it is from allergies, which would be odd because I haven't really been outside. It could be because I've had a fan blowing outside my room every night for over a week due to a major heat wave over here!!  The reason I mention this though is because I started to panic a little and start imagining the worst scenario; I'm getting a cold, and I'm going to have a major flare up, and I'm going to be down for five or six weeks, and I'm going to get even weaker, and I'm never going to get better! The thing is though, I interrupted myself at the major flare up with the thought, "what if the Wahl's protocol makes my flare ups shorter?" I haven't noticing a big difference yet, but I am fairly sure that I am recovering faster.  I hope that I'm not just finding a change because I'm looking for one. Time will tell.  And many more green leafy vegetables.

Mother's Day cheat day!

 Once again I wish that I could see into the future and get some answers. I've now gone 7 days gluten free.  Is it making a difference? Will it??  I can't say a week because Sunday was Mother's Day and I was having my second cheat day of the year. On Saturday evening a got a delivery from my oldest. 12 chocolate covered strawberries, and some of the biggest strawberries I've ever seen.  So almost right away I decide that my cheat day would start at the time and end 24 hours later. I haven't had chocolate since Christmas I think, and these are one of my favourite things, so I immediately popped one in my mouth. Then I had 3 more. I felt nauseated for the rest of the night. Oops. I ended up giving the rest away to friends. 

The next day I had a sub sandwich, a raspberry chocolate croissant, and an iced latte. It was heaven.  

I was really curious to see if I would feel a lot of difference between the non gluten and the cheat day. I don't have a definitive answer for that. Yesterday, Monday I felt pretty good. I mean I haven't fallen asleep before 5 am since I had the strawberries, but I didn't feel that bad. I even found myself realizing that I had enough energy to do chores.

I was lying on the sofa feeling sorry for myself. I couldn't do anything on my phone, I couldn't go outside (allergens and heat wave), and I was really bored. Suddenly it occurred to me that I didn't need to be lying down!  I actually had enough energy to do something! I decided to sweep the main floor and tidy a bit. I then went through a big pile of photos and things that I had pulled out of a box a few weeks ago, and then couldn't deal with until now. None of it was very fun, but I was pretty happy to be up and about. I always do the chores first because there often isn't enough energy afterwards, and my messy house makes me cray-cray.

I'm still having a lot of pain in my hands and forearms. I'm almost positive it is from holding my phone too much, as if I am on it way less the pain is much better the next day. And yes, it still hurts to type, but I made the goal to journal a few times a week. Hopefully this will help me on my "journey". 

Today I had a convo with the health coach I'm working with and decided that I will keep up with my goal of reading the Wahl's Protocol about a half a chapter a day, and to add journaling. That's not very specific. The goal is to either read WP, journal, or both for a half hour a day. Today isn't exactly an interesting entry, but maybe this whole thing will eventually be worth it. 

It's Tuesday and I'm having a fairly rough day. Fatigue, pain, burning pins and needles, etc. Was this from the gluten/sugar cheat day? Will not eating gluten make a difference? Sigh. I'm off all dairy except milk. I haven't had any milk today, but here's exactly why I haven't quit yet. It's late at night. I'm hungry. There's no energy left to make anything except maybe a bowl of cereal. Sigh. That, and I still use a little bit in my tea some times. 

Hopefully one day I'll look back at this and wish I had started sooner.

Quitting Wahl's Protocol. (Not really)

 Ok, so it's not going great today. I have to start out with the disclaimer that I might have PMS. I'm going through menopause and it isn't something that I can figure out easily anymore.  That being said I am seriously miserable today. I feel like I have nothing to eat!! I don't have the energy to cook basically anything, and parts of my grocery order that I was counting on were out of stock! Grr.  I am seriously considering giving up my giving up gluten for a week, and trying to eliminate milk instead. Maybe this needs better planning? How am I supposed to do this on my own?  Financially!!?? Physically??? GRRAHHH!!!

Ok, enough ranting.  

Warning: more ranting likely ahead:

So another thing that I have been thinking about is how I had this amazing week of energy, and then crashed, and haven't gotten back up since.  Basically at the same time I was eating a lot of bread and milk. How much of that has lead to this crash? Will I eventually end up looking back at this and shaking my head at my naivety?  I'm really feeling so discouraged. I spent the little energy I had today adding veggies to the bone broth that my daughter has been simmering for the last couple of days. It smelled and tasted really good. I quickly realized that she had left the skins on the chickens that we had bought already roasted. She had simmered spices with the bones. Now I have heartburn. GRRR again!!

Sometimes I want to yell at Dr. Wahl's when she makes all these suggestions that I can't afford, like going for e-stim, or buying organic grain fed meat or going hunting or fishing or foraging! I barely have the energy to make soup!! I know that the book was written for the average person, and not for a nearly bed bound person, but it is still so frustrating! I used my birthday gift card to buy the books! How did she do this while she was in a wheel chair? Did her partner do most of it? Did they hire someone? Sigh. 

I guess I have to go back to basics. Make veggie broth. Maybe just veggie soup. I was really counting on that bone broth. SIGH. 

I really want to quit today. I know I won't. Here's the conversation I'm having with myself.

You've been doing this for months already! You can't quit!

                    Yeah, but I've had very little results!

True, but you gave up reading after the first couple of chapters, and ended up doing a version that doesn't exist!

                    Yeah, but think of all I've given up and all the freaking produce I've eaten!!

Exactly. Think of how much you've already done.

                    Yeah, but I thought that I'd be feeling well enough to cook for myself by now!

I know. I guess that the adding isn't going to be as important as the taking away for us. Just think of how easy it would be to quit if you were giving up everything at once right now. Chocolate and sugar was so tricky, but all the berries made it easier. 

                    Yeah, but I would totally eat a scone if it was in front of me right now. 

 I know, but remember how proud of yourself you were when you gave up butter and cheese.

                    mmmhhhhmmm....cheeeesseeee

Ok, this isn't working. Remember the vision of yourself, standing on top of a big hike you've just completed? Your ideal partner standing next to you looking lovingly at you? Your sweet bod from all the exercising and dancing and gardening you've been doing? 

                    And my clean and finally nicely decorated home with the dog that I will be able to walk and afford because I'm working again, but this time in something meaningful?

Yes. Doesn't that sound lovely? 

                    I guess. I still want to eat a chocolate chip muffin though.

I'm realizing that my inner voice in this conversation says "yeah but" a lot, and sounds very petulant. Well, at least I spent enough years in therapy that I have that understanding, reasonable, motherly voice to listen to it. 

Right now I'd just be happy to be healthy enough to leave the house for something wild and crazy like the library.  Ok. I'll keep trying. I do need a different plan for this week though.

Starting Wahl's Protocol diary

 Dr. Wahl's wants me to write a diary for my diet. She says so in her book. So here I am. Typing even though it bloody hurts to use my hands. Hopefully, I will start seeing results, or at least this symptom will ease. I must note here that I'm not sure if this ache in my hands and forearms is an MS symptom or not. It could be from being on my phone constantly.  As I am constantly lying down for most of the time (23+ hours a day)  and too tired to use my arms or brain, what other option do I have? I go bananas if I have to keep my hands still for very long.  Anyway, this is my laptop, but it still hurts to type.

I have been trying to get on the Wahl's Protocol for a while. It started back in September that my youngest (19) began doing MMA, so she became really motivated to cook more often. More meat and veggies. I added more fruit as well, and we started eliminating processed food, and any baked goods.

Around Christmas I gave up all dairy except milk and sugar (except the little bit if I had coffee or tea) and that included CHOCOLATE!!! I started measuring my fruit and vegetables with the goal to get to 6 cups a day (3 cups of each). A couple of weeks ago (four months in)  I managed to do 6 cups 10 days in a row. It was a new best, but I think I got a little too cocky.  I can remember thinking things like, "Why don't I always just eat raw carrots  and peapods?" and "this is getting so easy". Then my stomach majorly revolted, and I had a very gaseous, bloated, painful and sensitive digestive system. 

The same week I was getting cocky, I was also doing physically better than I had in probably a year. I have been tracking a few other things in a notebook along with the fruits and vegetables. My energy level, 10 being the best, as well as symptoms, medications, etc.  The cocky week I was having energy levels of 5's and even a 6 one of those days1 I'm usually happy for a 4.  I went out! I got errands done! I went to the doctor (which I had rescheduled a few times over about 5 months). I even went to my friend's birthday party! I hadn't been out socially for months and months!  I kept telling myself that I was pushing it and I was going to crash, but I kept waking up the next day feeling good!  Don't get me wrong, I did manage to overdo it!  NEVER question my skill to keep pushing until I'm down again. Sigh.

What I want to focus on is that during my up week, I had that gastric episode and I couldn't eat anything really. Definitely not any veggies or fruit.  I existed on mainly cereal (with cow's milk) and bread (I even bought a white loaf) for at least 3-4 days. Oh and egg salad.  I can't forget the eggs. 

I officially quit coffee on May 1st!!! I NEVER thought I could get here. I have been weaning off it for months, and sometimes replacing with tea, but when I had so much stomach trouble that I could barely eat anything, I jumped on the opportunity to quit for good. I have to admit that I'm missing it a lot, but  there's one bit that's got me hanging on. I've given myself four cheat days a year. The second one is going to be for Mother's Day on Sunday, and I'm planning on a coffee and my favorite muffin!!! I assume that by the next cheat day (some special day TBD July-September) I'll be so into the diet that it won't be worth it. I hope. 

4 more sleeps until latte!