This is why I do it

This is why I'm trying so hard to change my life. This WEEK! THIS feeling!!! Being sick with co-morbidities is MISERABLE and if there is anything that I can do to stop feeling like this, I WILL do it. 

I have a sinus infection, and I will keep getting sinus infections until I am able to have surgery again, but for now I have to be on antibiotics. It took more than a week to find one that I could tolerate, and now I am only tolerating it by taking Gravol everyday to deal with the nausea. I'm not even sure they are working. I've giving them one more day for now. 

Anytime my immune system get activated, I have an MS symptom flare up. It feels like my skin is either burning on fire, or just so sensitive that I don't want anything touching it. I also have the most fun symptom of everything tasting wrong- tasting metallic.  My sense of smell is coming back since I'm working so hard on my sinuses, which is horrible because I can only smell some things, and their scent is so strong that it gives me a headache and nausea!

I also have a really bad headache from my neck being out caused by my scoliosis. So just in case I didn't have a headache and nausea before, I definitely do now!! 

I have other things happening, but that is the short version of my misery. I will just note right here how much fun it is to try and eat adding in the financial restraints I have because I can't earn any money for a couple of years. Food is SO expensive lately! Thanks covid. 

There are many positive things that I think about and want to get better for. I think about them and write them down and do all the positive mindset things that I can think of. Right now I am just reinforcing how motivating it is to remember how badly I don't want to feel this sick. Few people understand, but I can always talk to myself! This is so hard. I spend all day just trying to get through the hours. I'm in pain and so fatigued and feel awful. 

We need a better word for awful. Full of awe. That is not how I feel. Horrible. Full of Horror. Ok, I think it's time to finally let the gravol knock me out. I'm just getting silly.