Sunday, 8 January 2012

If you don't bleed a little, you're not doing it right.

I woke up this morning with another song in my head.  This time it was a song I have heard recently.  Airbourne Toxic Event's Changing.  I say I woke up this morning, but that isn't true.  When my ex has the kids, I usually sleep until noon, or 1:30.  12 to 14 hours sleep.  Yep.  Most people say something like, "wow, guess you needed it", or "must be nice".  Yes, I needed it.  I often do.  No, it is not nice.  I don't want to spend the majority of my day asleep.  I would love to wake up bursting full of energy and ready to get things done.

Speaking of getting things done, I finished MOST of my daughter's quilt.  I still have probably an hour's worth left.  I managed to stab myself under the nail bed with a pin, which, according to my Mom, means you're doing it right, because I bled.  She makes everything she does look so easy.  I just assumed I could quilt.  And I can.  I have made several to go to Africa, but not patch work. I stink at patch work.  Now I understand why she wanted me to look at the fabulous fabric she found to tie it all together, or the layout for the quilt she was designing.  It's hard!!  It didn't turn out all that way either.  Oh well, I'm sure my daughter will cherish it???

My hands were trembling so badly that I was having trouble trimming the threads.  That's something I keep forgetting to record.  That and how when I get worn out I make really bad decisions.  It is like I am inebriated or something.  Once I am rested I end up cringing at some of the things that I've said or done.  I haven't read anything about that being an MS thing, but it seems to be for me.  I even kissed this guy from work once when he was visiting me in the hospital.  Sigh.  I normally would have thought that one through, but maybe it was all the drugs?  No.  Cognitive function is definitely down.

I wore my glasses today, which I normally only wear if I have to do hours of reading.  It seemed to help with the headache a bit.  Plus I looked smarter!

I just keep thinking about the sinus surgery this week.  What effect is it going to have?  I am supposed to have relapsed and remitting MS, but so far, there really haven't been any symptom free days. When is the remittance?  My first symptom was on August 1st.  A really strong metallic taste in my mouth. Some of the symptoms are gone, but not all. Will the surgery cause a relapse?  Is that possible, meaning can I have relapses, or is mine really progressive?  Will there be serious complications?  Will everything be fine, and I am worrying for nothing?  More likely, will I just be really tired for weeks or months?  I'm scared.  How will I manage?  My Dad is here visiting to help me, but for how long?  I have my next appointment at the MS Clinic on the 17th.  I'm hoping he will stay until then because it is about an hour drive away, and I am worried I won't be up to it so soon after surgery.

I can't miss the appointment though.  This is the appointment where I should be starting Interferon, and hopefully finding out how often I am going to have to inject myself, if at all.  And how will I pay for it?  And what will the side effects be?  And how quickly will the muscle deteriorate from the injections???

Ah, my son yelling unintelligibly in his sleep interrupted my spazz-ing out.  I have been trying to take the Scarlett O'Hara approach.  Say in a dramatic southern accent, "I can't worry about that today.  I'll worry about it tomorrow."

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